Wilderness

Do you ever wonder what the Israelites in the wilderness felt like? There had to be an assortment if emotions. We know they complained. A lot. We know they were discontent. Who wouldn't be tempted with that? It was a wilderness after all. They struggled with depression - and a little melodrama - contending they would be better off dead at times, under Egyptian tyranny and oppression at others. Hmmm, I guess I can be a drama queen, too.

All of the above emotions I, at least, can understand. I have walked them a time or two (or two thousand and more). And, funny thing is (Okay, really "funny" isn't the word. "Sad and pitiful" are more like it.) my wilderness can be in the waiting five more minutes for a child to finally, after little or no naps and many, many meltdowns, just go to sleep. 

But, there are other emotions I wonder about, too. In walking the unknown, for such a long haul, and being restricted to that time and place of wandering...do you think some ever fell into the trap of monotony? Did they ever feel like they lost a mission? Were they able, despite not being able to attain the big goal of the promised land, able to pick up the pieces of their daily lives and move forward with a passion on the smaller goals and calls? Did one ever struggle with what exactly they should do or prioritize as a result of life boiling back down to just the "small stuff"?

I wonder some of this because as things shift and change around me, particularly this last year, I get a bit lost. I grow more disorganized. I can't seem to get an order back into my life even on a small scale. Hence, productivity becomes unattainable - at least in any measurable or "usual" way for me. Now, life is just about one foot in front of the other. Get up and do the small stuff that you constantly question the effectiveness of. 

There's a lot about the mundane life in Scripture. Most days are just that for most people. Gospel is sometimes the only non-mundane thing. The rest is the hamster wheel and some of us fight to keep moving so we don't get thrown off the wheel! In the meantime to rally ourselves and remember that God ordains even the small and slow wandering in the wildernesses, we fight to see His Gospel in that and our need of a Savior to rescue us from our own entrapments of discontented hearts. We yearn for Him and should be out of sorts all along the way- even in times of plenty and rich Cannan lands here in this lifetime. But, we also should be happily and restfully at peace knowing that He provides over and over and over again, like the manna and quail in the wilderness. And, we, too, know that this is just a season of wanting and yearning. Our fullness will be complete when He returns.