Just when you need it...

The Lord will send you an escape.  Although we have account upon account in the Bible - both Old and New Testaments - where the way of escape seemed to appear in the 11th hour.  Granted this isn't the path that type A planner personalities like myself prefer, but oftentimes by walking in the darkness and having to handily deal with our fears and frets firsthand, we learn more.  At least that is truly my own experience.  I hate it - learning the lessons the more painful and hard way, that is.  But, it does make it more real and substantial than a simple acknowledgment of truth when you read and "absorb" it alone.  For my own heart, it is a gross differentiation (by walking the path of trust when you really can't "see" what is coming or even around you) between acknowledging truth and LIVING truth.

My own testimony in the last 24 hours is this: I was despairing.  I was down. I was feeling alone and isolated and again found myself questioning even the unconditional love and pureness of motivation from the Lord Himself.  To others that may sound horrible.  On one level it is.  After all, I KNOW what He is and what He's done and continues to provide for - for the world, for others, for me! And, especially at this time of year that is pounded back in my brain. ...But, I still get angry. I'm still fragile. I still look right past the facts and go for the feeling.  I can't help but hear the voices in my head (not literal lest you think I am truly THAT crazy!) and let the arguments gain traction.  And, I fall.  I fall into sin time and time and time again.  So, I despair and think too little of God and strip Him of authority, supremacy, majesty, holiness, purity.  You name it.  I can do it all...and all in my heart.  Without ever reflecting it outwardly, too! But, I even reflected it outwardly this week.  For those around me, they also were subjected to my misery loves company in the last couple days.  And, so there I was. In the dumps.  And, feeling like I had not a friend in the world - including God Himself in some degree.

But, a light has flickered back on.  The veil lifted ever so slightly - all within a few hours - of my confession of despair and lack of trust.  When I faced the reality and confessed it to another that I was struggling, a few hours later I had some fears very specifically squashed with 2 - count 'em, 2! - counterpoints to those very fears!

So, all that to say, hang in there.  Confess, confess, confess. Reach out to another Christian and confess and ask for prayer and real encouragement.  And, in all of it, be honest and take it to the Lord.  He will answer. It may not be within a few hours, but He knows your 11th hour.  And, it will come.