Think of the most heinous sin you can. What is absolutely unacceptable in "your" eyes? Obviously, some socially signed-off on no-nos can easily find a listing here including virtually all forms of abuse particularly of those that are so very innocent. Perhaps vulgarities that I won't even dare to type surface in your mind?
Now, perhaps think of sins that others could commit against you. You may not necessarily fear the most heinous ones, although they would not dare ever be desired or accepted by you. But, since those seem a little more "out of the norm" mainly because society also sees evil for evil there, you don't really stop to think on them to permit them to turn your stomach. However, there are a lot of things that really get us riled up and ready for a fight like someone backstabbing you, throwing you under the bus maybe at the workplace, or manipulating you into believing a falsehood. Now, those are your "everyday" and "can happen to anyone" sins, right? And, usually we see those in others versus seeing them in ourselves - most especially when the OTHER is doing it TO us.
Did you feel the hair on the back of your neck start to stand up? Are we starting to get closer to home? Think of one of those hurtful and anger rousing sins against you. They're usually not too far squashed down or far. I think in a lot of ways, at least for me, I keep them in a well known "hiding place" in my history closet just so I can review and not get hurt like that again. Because, for me, my anger always seems to stem from a hurt - or a perceived hurt (to be fair).
And, since I touched upon sins against us which led to the hurt that dredges up some anger in retaliation, let's just think for a moment on what also falls out of this...a fear. A fear of it happening again - the hurt, betrayal, lies, and so forth. Even if it all was born on a false perception, the emotion and hurt and fear certainly are real. And, that's the harder part to just move on and forget about. And, that's why those sins against us stick like glue and follow us and turn our stomachs (usually in a hurtful and angry way) when we just think about it occurring again or actually occurring if it were indeed a perception issue in the initial form. Those are the things that we certainly say we "won't tolerate" period, right? And, it typically hinges on how it impacts us - emotionally mostly, huh?
I know for me there are a couple sins that generally hang on some level of betrayal that I fear most. They actually have NEVER happened to me, but I fear them. I guess because it is so stinkin' commonplace these days that I feel everyone is doomed to have it happen at some point. But, it still makes me mad - very mad. I can get worked up and bitter over something that actually hasn't happened at all. And, then you know what? I get convicted. I get convicted on several levels regarding this (i.e. not trusting God to protect me well enough, not trusting the person like I should, worrying or being anxious over nothing - because NOTHING has even happened and here I am fretting over a "possibility" of it, etc, etc, etc). But, mostly I get convicted because I don't see my sins as this hurtful and insulting and betraying to God, so I pass them over a little too lightly.
Ouch! I mean, OUCH! How would you react if someone actually had sinned the sin you fear most against you and then just seemed to brush it under the rug as if it never happened? Don't we do this every day to God? Really. Take a second and breathe. 1.......2.........3.......... Did you think about it? What did you do that you knew you shouldn't do in the last 5 days, 5 minutes, 5 seconds? What didn't you do that you should have done in that time? The items could pile up fast for me here - in just the 5 seconds! How many times have I snapped or thought of snapping at my little 2 1/2 year old because he just won't listen and obey the first or second or third time? How many times have I been bitter about not having a moment to just reply to an email, or get the email to pull up, or that car to move out of my way? Patience is obviously not a strong point in my life. How many times have I said, I'll start that "diet" tomorrow? Or worse, grabbed a handful of m&ms because I "need" them?
Okay, so I'm not the "big" sinner that society thinks is so evil. Thank the Lord for His grace in prohibiting that, friends. Because the heart of a sinner is the same...it's all about me and no one else -- especially Him. The little sins are the same sins that nailed Him to a cross. The little sins are the same that will condemn the sinner to die. I must must must start taking them a little more seriously. I must, at minimum, think of them with the same disdain that I would a sin "against ME" would draw. The most tragic in this? The sin that I somehow can elevate myself to a level that doesn't DESERVE anything negative against me...no betrayal permitted! Because? Well, because it's me! Yet, I do not grasp or give thought to that God deserves NO betrayal in every sense - small to large - from anyone INCLUDING ME! Yet, time after time, I gloss over my cheating on Him and sweep it under the rug trying my best to just ignore any hint that it was wrong in the first place.
Have mercy on me, O God! I am indeed a wretched sinner!
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